Mary Janssen Life Coach

Creating Connection and Fulfillment

You’re Doing It Wrong

There are a lot of people in the world today that would tell you the BEST way to do something, or how you’re doing something WRONG. It goes across the board from gardening to celebrating holidays to parenting. Judgment of differences and needing to feel RIGHT – and instilling what you do onto others around you. 

Here’s the thing, if we all did things the same way the world would be SO BORING! And when something didn’t work for someone else, there would be no other options. Talk about hopelessness. Instead, having variety among our friends and neighbors allows us to say, “Hey, I’m having trouble with this thing. What has worked well for you that I could try?”

Many people out there would rather make you believe there’s something wrong with you or you aren’t doing something right if their “perfect” way doesn’t work for you. But, why would you think it would? You aren’t that person, having that person’s experience, at this moment in time. And even if parts of their way work for you now, it doesn’t mean they will in 10 years or next month or even later today. We are all growing and changing and our way of doing things needs to grow and change with us. Sometimes, learning a new way of doing things is the catalyst for the growth. Always, the growth cannot happen without doing things differently.  Same action = same result. Different action = different result. Simple. 

Your action steps: 

Think of a few tasks or activities you do regularly and ask yourself

  • Why do you do them that way? Did someone else tell you to do it that way or did you complete several rounds of trial and error to discover what works best for you? 
  • What about them is not working for you any more? HINT: if you’re reading this, it’s because you know something isn’t working anymore and you’re here to change it. Pinpoint exactly what’s holding you back.  
  • What is one new thing you can try to make it work better? Or, who could you ask for a recommendation? 

If you raise children you know that what worked yesterday – or even five minutes ago – might not work in this moment because kids are learning and growing so fast. You are also ever-changing and your modus operandi need to evolve too. So, instead of judging others (let’s be honest that’s all about how we perceive ourselves anyway), let’s embrace variety and SUPPORT each other. We are all different humans having different experiences and need an abundance of tools and resources to maneuver through life. 

Finding Light in the Dark: When Shame Holds You Back

Hey there!

Let’s talk about shame. Does reading that word leave a greasy, heavy feeling in your stomach? Try saying it out loud. Is there a metallic taste in your mouth? It’s not the most pleasant thing, shame. It seems to have a lot of power over us.

We hide who we really are. We hide our “secrets” so that people don’t run away from us or ridicule us. And here is the worst part: the more we keep hidden away, and the longer it stays in the dark, the more shame we feel.

Guess what! Saying it out loud – that thing or things you are hiding out of fear and shame – will lessen or even take away the shame. Voicing it will take away the power of that shame. It will empower you to feel more whole, lighter.

And, most likely, that secret thing you were ashamed of was not anything to be ashamed of. But, we let the fear of rejection stop us from shining out in our unique brilliance. If the people who surround you truly care about you, they want to see you shine. Stop projecting negative reactions on your people; it’s not fair to them. If the people around you want to hold you back, you need different people.

By saying it out loud, you become the master of your life. Shame loses its control over you. Even if it is something embarrassing, let it out to let it go. Voice it and release it. If it’s a part of you that shows your unique gifts to the world, embrace it. Find ways to use it. Find people to encourage you, leave the nay-sayers in your dust. Be a light. We need more light in this world. We need your light in this world.

With love,
Mary

P.S. Find one person you trust to share your secret with today (remember, waiting makes it worse). How do you feel after voicing it? Share in the comments.

 

Crush Your Fears

In life coaching circles your “ego” is the part of you that tries to protect you. That means it often holds you back from shining as brightly as you were meant to. Here’s an example:

I like to sing, but only sing in private. I don’t even like to sing to my baby if my husband is in the room. My lifelong belief has been that I’m an average singer at best. Definitely not a soloist, but I will sing in a larger choir where my voice blends and is “hidden” because I love music.

Contrary to this limiting belief, I have many pieces of evidence against this “fear” of singing in public.

  • I was chosen to play a character who “sang-spoke” all of her lines in a junior high play.
  • I had solos in all the high school musicals I participated in.
  • I was given solos at several college choir concerts.
  • I was asked to sing a solo at my college Baccalaureate Mass.

I’m no Celine Dion, but I can and should share my voice without fear. I had a limiting belief that singing in front of others is scary and I’m not good enough. But, the universe has delivered a lot of evidence to the contrary and I have released my limiting belief. I was able to honor my grandmother by singing at her funeral, even though singing in front of people who knew me could have felt more terrifying and exposed than singing in front of strangers.

Now it’s your turn. What is a limiting belief that holds you back from doing something you enjoy? What evidence do you have that the belief is not true?

Transform your limiting belief by concentrating on the evidence against it.

  • Put yourself back in one of your evidence moments.
  • See what you saw in that moment.
  • Hear what you heard then.
  • Feel what you felt at that time.
  • Describe what was great about that experience.
  • Repeat with at least two other evidence moments.

How do you feel now? Does your limiting belief feel less important, maybe even silly? I would love to hear how this technique worked for you. Share in the comments or email your experience to coachmary@maryjanssen.com. If you are ready to dig deeper and crush more fears let’s chat – email me here!

Three Words That Changed My Life

She looked me right in the eyes and said, “You’re an empath.”

“Cool,” I replied as goose bumps started to form on my skin. “What’s that?”

In a workshop at my yoga teacher training, a Reiki Master was talking about the chakras. Something in the air – or her energy, or mine – made it impossible to hold back. I rarely, if ever, shared about my lifelong struggles with sleep, making and keeping friends, anxiety, and other emotional issues, but these deep dark secrets were pouring out of me. It felt out of body when, as I was talking, my brain was like, “Mary, what are you doing saying all this out loud in front of a group of people?!”

And then, my world changed forever. She told me I am an empath. I’d never heard of that before.

She explained briefly that an empath absorbs other peoples’ energy, often without knowing it, resulting in insomnia, extreme stress, exhaustion, building up walls and shutting down your emotions because there are so many other peoples’ emotions floating around it’s difficult to process. Yes. Yes! YES!

I cried. Literally, tears were overflowing from my eyes. All my “issues” suddenly made sense – and were from a powerful gift, not a curse like I’d been thinking for years! She gave me a quick and easy way to cleanse my energy and physical body each night to help me sleep. And my journey to discovering my true self began.

The first thing I did when I got home was Google “empath” – obviously. It’s been a slow process and I am just now, over two years later, really dedicating myself to learning how to master my abilities. I needed time to come to terms with it, observe it, and see how much it was affecting me (which was A LOT, by the way).

As I share this story with others, some discover their own empath gifts, some share with me their empath skills and energy protection and clearing practices, and some reflect back to me specific times when I’ve shut down my emotions or embraced my gifts. Some people think I’m crazy, especially if they aren’t highly sensitive or empathic themselves; that’s okay too.

As I read more and practice empath related energy work, I become more open in my relationships and to my intuition. In the past month or so, I have fully accepted that I am an empath. It truly is a gift. And, I am ready to embrace it. I am ready to take action toward developing skills that make this gift a useful tool. And it is pretty cool.

How to Love Your Neighbor…and Yourself

“Love your neighbor as yourself.” The second greatest commandment according to Jesus (Mark 12:31). Most of the time we think of this as difficult because, jeez, some people are super annoying or weird or… you get the idea. But what if this commandment is difficult because we don’t truly love ourselves? What if all the bad ways people treat each other is because we ARE loving our neighbor in the same way we love ourselves – we don’t.

Do you love yourself? Unconditionally? Can you go look into your own eyes in the mirror and honestly speak to your reflection “I love and accept every part of you?” If you can, spread the love! If you, like many of us, are not able to do this, here are a few ways you can increase your self love.

  • Take time to get to know your self. Spend time in meditation or journaling or take a solo vacation. What things do you like to do? What do you not like to do? Start to observe how you interact with others and how you interact with yourself. What does that voice in your head say to you all day? Stop negative self talk. Replace it with uplifting, encouraging words.
  • Make time to romance yourself. Just like any other relationship, unconditional love and acceptance of self takes effort. Since you’ve gotten to know what you like and what makes you happy, spend time and effort doing those things. Bring joy to your life. Feel how worthy you are of that joy – from you, to you.
  • Once you know you are worthy of love, start to accept God’s unconditional love for you. It has always been there, you just need to allow it to seep into your life. You are never alone. You are always being guided toward good in your life. God wants you to be happy and to live the life He created you to live, you just have to trust and accept. So, spend a little time with God learning even more about who you are and how much He loves you. He sacrificed his only child to die for you, after all.

Express gratitude and have faith.

You are worthy of so much love. And once you feel that, you can become a light to the world – spreading joy, happiness, and love to all your neighbors.

What is one action you can take today to increase your self love and self acceptance? Comment below!  If you desire more personal guidance to self love and acceptance, click here.